Today I feel like I have to write some. Is not like anyone will read this anyways. At least not people I would want them to…
Life is so disappointing… For some people.
Today I realized how fuck up life can be. Before I used to put myself down and don’t get me wrong… I still do but at least now I know that I am good enough for someone…anyone.
Is just not anyone is good enough for me. Either that or they just won’t give me a chance.
Before I used to value my life based on what people thought about me, based on how many friends I had, and stupid shit like that. And today I realized that even though i dont value my life based on those things anymore somethings wont ever change and that is that I don’t value my OWN life. I feel worthless and like everything is pointless if I don’t have anyone valuable around. And by anyone I mean SOMEONE as in a partner, a companionship, a lover. someone to hold me through the night… someone to tell me things will be all right. my rock.
You get the point.
And I guess that’s why I’ll never be happy cuz even though I know now that I’m good enough for someone that doesn’t mean that someone will be good for me or would even give me a chance meaning ill still be alone and sad. Nothing to look forward to. No plans, no goals, (don’t tell me this crap “you can still have goals” “you can still have plans”) no! I mean with my partner! of course I have goals and plans on my own you dumb fuck BUT I want to have that with the person I love.
Living life alone is so sad and honestly I don’t want that void in my life to haunt me down. That’s no way of living.
So far my past 2 relationships have been a bunch if this and a bunch of that. In the end both ended up the same way. Letting me go because I somehow “deserve better” yeah okay where who the hell will it be that will give me better? I’m ready to love and be loyal and committed to someone till the end, I’m a hopeless romantic but there’s no hope for me in love.